Networking advice is mostly written for extroverts: 'go to events', 'work the room', 'follow up with 50 people'. For the (many) women who find this exhausting and ineffective, there's a different approach that works better and feels more sustainable.
Why traditional networking fails for many women
Energy cost is too high for the result. Three hours at a networking event with 30 superficial conversations vs. one 60-minute deep conversation with one person — the second usually produces more career value with less energy. Mass networking optimises quantity over quality, which is the wrong metric for most career outcomes.
What works instead
Deep conversations with few people
Identify 10-15 people whose work or career path you find genuinely interesting. Reach out for 30-60 minute conversations (coffee, walk, Zoom). One a month is sustainable. Over a year, you've built 12 substantial relationships.
Written engagement
LinkedIn comments, replies to newsletters, longer-form responses. Builds visibility without requiring real-time conversation. Many introverts are good writers and this plays to strength.
Hosting over attending
Organise a small lunch with 6-8 women in your field. You control the format and don't have to do small talk; you facilitate the conversation. More energy-efficient and produces real relationships.
Communities of practice
Slack groups, online forums, recurring small meetups in your specific field. Lower barrier to entry, higher quality of interaction.
Avoiding the worst of both worlds
Don't fake the extrovert version. Pushing yourself to large events you hate produces poor energy and worse outcomes than committing to the deep-relationship version. Don't completely opt out either. Some external relationship-building is necessary; it just doesn't have to look like the standard pattern.
Maintaining the network
Twice-yearly check-ins with each person you actually value. Brief note, share something useful (article, intro, idea). 5 minutes per contact, twice yearly, builds substantial relationships over years. Skip the 'just touching base' messages — share something specific.
Networking doesn't have to be the version sold by extroverts. The deep-relationship version works better for most women and costs less energy.